41) Keira Knightley is too skinny to be hot.
42) My 7th grade teacher is too fat to be hot.
43) Venus Williams is too much of a dude to be hot.
44) James Avery, who played Uncle Phil on The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, is both too fat AND too much of a dude to be hot.
45) James Avery did the voice of Shredder in the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
36-40
36) So-called "70s bush" has persisted well past 1979. For serious.
37) The "Three R's" should realistically be the "One R, One W and one A," but it's not as easy to say.
38) The show "Three's Company" starred John Ritter, who is now dead.
39) John Ritter was in a movie called Bad Santa wi.th Billy Bob Thornton, Bernie Mac and a black midget.
40) The midget in the movie Bad Santa is in every single movie that has ever called for a black midget.
37) The "Three R's" should realistically be the "One R, One W and one A," but it's not as easy to say.
38) The show "Three's Company" starred John Ritter, who is now dead.
39) John Ritter was in a movie called Bad Santa wi.th Billy Bob Thornton, Bernie Mac and a black midget.
40) The midget in the movie Bad Santa is in every single movie that has ever called for a black midget.
Friday, February 29, 2008
31-35
31) Darning a person is the same as damning a person.
32) Darning socks is not the same as damning socks.
33) People who would actually damn socks should be taken someplace "safe."
34) The new albums by Disfear, Meshuggah, Hate Eternal and Death Angel are all great.
35) Tupac Shakur, Elvis Presley and Josef Stalin are all dead.
32) Darning socks is not the same as damning socks.
33) People who would actually damn socks should be taken someplace "safe."
34) The new albums by Disfear, Meshuggah, Hate Eternal and Death Angel are all great.
35) Tupac Shakur, Elvis Presley and Josef Stalin are all dead.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
26-30
26) Autophobia is the fear of automatic transmissions, and is most common among assholes.
27) Triscuidekaphobia is the fear of vertical stacks of 10 Triscuits, and is most common among those with wheat allergies.
28) Ten ounces of coffee contains more caffeine than a 10-ounce chunk of sulfur.
29) Pregnancy is not attractive; it is weird-lookin'.
30) Christianity is abhorrent.
27) Triscuidekaphobia is the fear of vertical stacks of 10 Triscuits, and is most common among those with wheat allergies.
28) Ten ounces of coffee contains more caffeine than a 10-ounce chunk of sulfur.
29) Pregnancy is not attractive; it is weird-lookin'.
30) Christianity is abhorrent.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
21-25
21) Chinese astronomers saw the first recorded supernova in 1054 A.D.
22) Michael Jackson is legally a white woman in the state of California.
23) River City Ransom is an absolutely amazing Nintendo game.
24) "O_O" is an emoticon used to convey shock or surprise.
25) I weighed 6 lbs., 6 oz. at birth, but failed to maintain my newborn figure over the years.
22) Michael Jackson is legally a white woman in the state of California.
23) River City Ransom is an absolutely amazing Nintendo game.
24) "O_O" is an emoticon used to convey shock or surprise.
25) I weighed 6 lbs., 6 oz. at birth, but failed to maintain my newborn figure over the years.
16-20
16) Wilford Brimley pronounces "diabetes" as though it were spelled "diabeetis."
17) Wilford Brimley pronounces Archimedes' name as though it were spelled "Archimeedis."
18) People born on February 29th love to talk about how they were born on February 29th, especially if they are dating you and want you to feel like a pervert.
19) I don't care about anything that will happen to the planet Earth after I'm dead.
20) I don't care about anything that will happen to the band Earth while I'm still alive.
17) Wilford Brimley pronounces Archimedes' name as though it were spelled "Archimeedis."
18) People born on February 29th love to talk about how they were born on February 29th, especially if they are dating you and want you to feel like a pervert.
19) I don't care about anything that will happen to the planet Earth after I'm dead.
20) I don't care about anything that will happen to the band Earth while I'm still alive.
11-15
11) Might makes right.
12) The first album I bought that started to shape my taste in music was Nevermind by Nirvana in 1992.
13) The last album I bought that continued to shape my taste in music was Live the Storm by Disfear in 2008.
14) Daniel Day-Lewis will never stop winning Oscars.
15) M. Night Shamalyan will never start winning Oscars.
12) The first album I bought that started to shape my taste in music was Nevermind by Nirvana in 1992.
13) The last album I bought that continued to shape my taste in music was Live the Storm by Disfear in 2008.
14) Daniel Day-Lewis will never stop winning Oscars.
15) M. Night Shamalyan will never start winning Oscars.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
6-10
6) Abraham Lincoln was assassinated by John Wilkes Booth.
7) John F. Kennedy was assassinated by Lee Harvey Oswald.
8) Jesus H. Christ was assassinated by Pontius Tyrone Pilate.
9) The word "assassin" contains two instances of the word "ass."
10) Abraham Lincoln did not have a middle name.
1-5
1) All people who skydive are annoying.
2) The "t" in "often" determines whether or not I think a person is smart.
3) The TV in my living room weighs approximately 150 lbs.
4) I am scared of centipedes.
5) My favorite cartoon is The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy.
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